Understanding and Managing Emotions: A Healthier Perspective

We often categorize emotions as either positive (e.g., happiness, hope, compassion) or negative (e.g., loneliness, resentment, jealousy). However, aiming to experience only “positive” emotions is neither realistic nor helpful. This mindset can lead to the suppression or avoidance of emotions perceived as negative, which often intensifies distress rather than alleviating it.

The real issue isn’t the emotions themselves—it’s our relationship with them.

How We Learn to Relate to Emotions

Our relationship with emotions is largely shaped by childhood experiences. Many of us were taught, implicitly or explicitly, that certain emotions are undesirable. We may have heard phrases like:

• “Stop crying.”

• “Don’t worry so much.”

• “Calm down.”

• “Don’t be angry.”

• “Be grateful.”

These messages, even when well-intentioned, can make us feel that emotions like anger, fear, or sadness are wrong or unwelcome. As a result, we may suppress them, feel guilty for experiencing them, or panic when they arise.

But the truth is, all emotions serve a purpose. Even those that feel uncomfortable are essential for our well-being. Understanding their function can help us build a healthier relationship with our emotional world.

What Is Emotion?

Emotion is not just a fleeting feeling or an irrational reaction. It is a sophisticated system that integrates:

• Our awareness of needs and goals

• Feedback from the environment

• Predictions about the consequences of our actions

According to Bowlby (1991), the primary function of emotion is to communicate our needs, motives, and priorities—both to ourselves and to others. If we disconnect from our emotions, it’s like trying to navigate life without a compass.

Types of Emotions

Researchers generally agree that there are core emotional responses, each serving a distinct purpose. Ekman (2003) identified six to eight universal emotions, which can be grouped into two broad categories:

1. Approach Emotions (Move Toward)

• Joy – Encourages openness and connection

• Surprise – Sparks curiosity and learning

• Anger – Fuels assertiveness and boundary-setting

2. Avoidance Emotions (Withdraw or Protect)

• Shame – Promotes hiding or withdrawal

• Fear – Triggers a fight, flight, or freeze response

• Sadness – Signals a need for comfort and reflection

Each of these emotions plays a role in helping us adapt and respond to life’s challenges.

The Functions of Emotion

1. Emotion Grabs Our Attention

Emotions help us focus on what matters. Imagine sitting in a lecture, deeply engaged in learning. Suddenly, a fire alarm rings. In an instant, anxiety takes over, shifting your attention to survival. This automatic emotional response ensures that we react to what is most important in the moment.

2. Emotion Helps Us Make Decisions

Ignoring emotions can leave us stuck, overanalyzing every possible outcome without a clear sense of direction. Emotions provide a felt sense of what truly matters, guiding us toward choices that align with our needs and values.

3. Emotion Motivates Action

The word emotion comes from the Latin emovere, meaning “to move.” Our emotions prime us for action:

• Anger energizes us to confront obstacles.

• Shame urges us to withdraw or make amends.

• Fear alerts us to potential threats and prepares us to act.

4. Emotion Connects Us to Others

Our nervous system is wired to pick up on emotional cues—facial expressions, tone of voice, body language. We intuitively mirror or respond to these cues, fostering emotional bonds and social connection.

How to Manage Emotions Effectively

Judging emotions as “bad” or trying to suppress them often intensifies distress. Instead, practicing emotional awareness and regulation can help us navigate them more effectively.

Dr. Dan Siegel suggests the strategy: “Name it to tame it.” When we label our emotions, we activate the thinking part of our brain, which helps us regulate our feelings rather than being overwhelmed by them.

Try This the Next Time You Experience a Strong Emotion:

1. Identify what you’re feeling.

• What emotion is present?

• How intense is it?

2. Notice where you feel it in your body.

• Is there tightness in your chest?

• A knot in your stomach?

3. Stay curious and accepting.

• Instead of pushing the emotion away, observe it with interest.

4. Express and externalize the feeling.

• Journal about it.

• Talk to someone.

• Engage in movement (e.g., walking, stretching).

• Allow yourself to cry if needed.

By approaching emotions with awareness and acceptance, we strengthen our ability to regulate them—rather than letting them control us.

Final Thoughts

Emotions are not our enemies. They are signals, guiding us toward what we need. When we learn to recognize, accept, and respond to them in healthy ways, we can navigate life with greater clarity, resilience, and emotional well-being.

Instead of fearing difficult emotions, what if we learned to listen to them?

If you find yourself struggling with overwhelming emotions, feeling disconnected from your needs, or unsure how to process what you’re experiencing, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Therapy provides a safe space to explore your emotions, understand their roots, and develop healthier ways of coping.

I’d love to support you on this journey. Book a session today to start building a deeper, more compassionate relationship with your emotions.https://www.shahrzadjamalicounselling.com